The bargain is the trap! Shout out to anyone who has used shopping as a coping mechanism before! You’re not alone. Not by a long shot.
Overbuying is a big problem these days. Since getting into the minimalism movement, I’ve been exposed to even more extreme cases of overbuying and over gifting. Even Marie Kondo addresses not putting pressure on other people to take your things when donating. I’m guilty of this myself.
Marketing has become a real art these days; also a science. Human experiments at their best. Buying patterns are researched and tweaked regularly. My exchange sister said to me once, “You Americans, you invent a solution to every problem.” I suspect she didn’t mean this quite as a compliment. It is a point of pride to invent something, but many of these “solutions” were for minuscule problems or discomforts.
Question The Reason You Want/Need this Item:
Don’t want to have to make six cuts through your apple? Push this gadget through and like magic your apple is cut and cored. Never mind how much of the apple it wastes or that you don’t eat apples that often, but you’ve got the tool now!
To some degree, creating all these problems for marketing purposes creates unease with simpler tools. Have a paring knife? That’s not good enough! Your kid can’t possibly use that, they’d cut themselves! However, they have teeth. There’s not even a need for the knife!
Compound these hundred ads a day and you’re sure to believe numerous sales about how your life “needs” to be. I’ve bought tons of gadgets. Some I still use and love but most have been traded out for the simpler things. Honestly, I actually like to whip things with a fork. I never break out the mixer and I rarely whip anything anyway. Apparently, I don’t need a mixer or a whisk.
“One of the greatest benefits from the Minimalist movement is learning to question the assumptions that you’ve held about things and how they function, or don’t, in your life.”
-LighterHappierLiving.com
How much do you really need:
Volume and quantity are common traps. If you use one type of Shampoo and it goes on sale today, we’re programmed to think this is a one-time deal. You think, “It will never be on sale when I actually run out of shampoo and really need it!”. So you buy the 3 necessary to get the one half off. In the meantime, you went into the store to buy one for $4.00 and instead bought 3 for $10.00. $10 is definitely more than $4, but we no longer see it that way because this is something you’ll eventually use. Never mind that it will take you 2 years to use that much shampoo!
Budgeting:
Not everyone is a geek for a budget. In fact, almost no one is. We’ve been taught that budgeting is for the poor! Only people without common sense need a budget. This is absolutely not true.
Much like knowing how many calories we’re consuming, knowing how much money we’re spending is also a skill. It starts with a budget. The act of making a plan for how much you’re going to spend helps you avoid that pesky spontaneous purchase. It’s especially important because you learn what else you could have had by not buying these stray unneeded items. Wouldn’t you rather invest in the market or go on a vacation? I know I would.
Everyone should learn how to budget and how to invest. I have also learned that it’s actually a skill to give. I never would have thought so but there is some serious resistance to giving. Some of it comes from what’s the line between giving and enabling. Some of it comes from a sense that if I give it to you, then I can’t get wealthy, as if it’s one or the other. Sometimes it’s even a matter of morality. Good people are savers. None of these are entirely true or false, so there’s a skill to learn in giving.
Psychology of why we overbuy:
I’m not a psychologist, nor do I have any specialized training about shopaholics. My experience comes from seeing people fill holes in their hearts with things. They may have felt out-of-place as poor children and never want their kids to experience it and think things will keep that same feeling from happening, or they may be depressed, or filling the void of healthy relationships with stuff. They may simply be searching for a way to feel good, if even for a moment.
Addressing the underlying cause is important to break the cycle. Sometimes the shame of overspending will force you to confront those demons but rarely is it about the stuff, in my experience. As a professional organizer, people will start telling me their triggers immediately as they try to simultaneously avoid and address the excess clutter.
There’s hurt there. Their first excuse is not the root cause but often it comes out in the rambling. This is the difference between a professional and a family member helping. There isn’t a history of judgment from a professional. Sometimes a friend can help too, but with family, there is always a need to cling to the excuses and they will rarely say the root cause. Even if they do, the family rarely hears in.
Loneliness:
I don’t know what it is about buying things. Perhaps it’s that we think we can join a new group, host all our friends, or be the grandparents that the grandkids want to see even while they’re teenagers. Something about stuff tricks us into believing that it will be automatic regardless of what we do. We can be flawed, but only if we buy all this stuff. Then people will like us.
As a teenager, my influence on relationships did become very possession, or money, based and I had an inkling but didn’t understand what the deal was. I still don’t know all the details, but I did know that the friends with access to the best hangouts were never going to be left out. I used things and access to “make sure” that I wasn’t left out. The truth is that someone with better stuff or space could have come along at any time and if that’s all I was to them, that would have been the end of my friendships.
Even if we aren’t alone or feeling lonely, the drive to stay in the loop or not be left out is so strong it can make us cling to other people’s values. Everyone has probably fallen for this trap. Especially as teenagers. I bought a pair of shoes that were so uncomfortable for my feet because “the whole team is getting them”! What a terrible way to decide what shoes to buy. Yet, this is common and relatable.
A Desire to Matter:
I’ve noticed many people wish to hang on to things that they treat as if it’s an investment. They don’t even show anyone and they plan to gift it to kids or grandkids, but the children have zero personal exposure to this item and it’s highly unlikely to hold value. I can only assume that this is a replication of how a grandparent showed love to them and that it’s an attempt to be loved, yet, it could never be experienced in that form.
I remember my grandfather giving us a few dollars and taking us around to garage sales. We’d hunt for lost My Little Ponies that we could add to our collections. This was an activity we did together. It was a shared experience linked to an item. The collectible tucked away in a closet bought without anyone’s notice and stored away out of sight, isn’t that.
The truth about overbuying:
The truth is that overbuying is entirely psychological. Likely from several causes. Decluttering things gives you a chance to see the psychology of your buying habits and break down some of these false assumptions that we tie up in our psyche and into our decision-making processes. This allows us to untangle and release ourselves from this harmful coping mechanism.
I continue to purchase things that aren’t right for me or were overly optimistic, but by understanding why I have overbought in the past I get much better at returning things when they don’t work and I research things more before I buy.
